So my absence reflects the dark hole I've buried myself into. I'm exhausting myself trying to fake happiness and contentment. I've never felt so comforted in my solitude and I am building walls to keep the world away. Part of me likes it this way, but on the other hand I loathe it as well. Two conflicting views for one conflicted person?

My soul feels poisoned and I dream of a chance to start with a clean slate. But reality sets in and I realize that can't happen in this lifetime, I try to drown my mind with fake positivity, which sometimes works and often times doesn't. I am lying to myself.

LMAO-My Anatomy professor definitly despises me, and he makes it a point to make it known. Hey, I really can't blame the guy. I continuously doze off throughout class(I can't help it, I swear!) and don't manage to listen to a word he says, but I still score well on his tests. I can't help that I learn more from the book then from him ;) Well, anyways.
Situation One-Goes to hand papers to me so that I may pass them around to the class, but right as I reach for them he quickly pulls them away and hands them to the gal behind me "Here, will you pass these out? You're a good student." LOL.
Situation 2-Does the exact same thing with a different set of papers and says something similar and snarky.
Haha, twice in one class-I score!

Well, anyways, here's a nice quote from up_lifting that made me smile:



What is the image you have of yourself? Who and what do you think you are?
If your self-image is in conflict with your goals, the self-image will
win out and the goals will fall by the wayside. Yet when your image of
yourself is in agreement with your goals, those goals will be achieved
in ways that seem almost effortless.

Who you think you are has a tremendous impact on the person you
actually become. And fortunately, you can choose precisely who you
think you are.

Others will often try to tell you who you are, but you don't need to
pay any attention to them. Instead, decide to see yourself as the
person you would most truly like to be.

The way you choose to see yourself exerts a steady and substantial
influence on all the other choices you make. And those choices add
together to build the reality of your life.

Truly see yourself as the person who can live the life you most
sincerely desire to live. Who you think you are is precisely who you
will come to be.

-- Ralph Marston

Tags: college, quotes
Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Dead Can Dance-Arabian Gothic

I am TOTALLY captivated and in love with Indian music. Holy, I can't stop listening. I feel like I'm in a euphoric state, literally lost in the music. Like I have to snap myself back into reality, and I promise I'm not(nor have I ever been) on drugs! Good stuff. I really want to learn how to bellydance now.

And speaking of bellies I think it is interesting to note that since I have been eating almost entirely raw(minus the sweet potato fries I had today, which totally killed my stomach x-x;), I have gained four pounds. Really honestly I don't care, because I figure this-my body knows what it needs, if it feels like it needs it then it can have it. The only reason I find this worth mentioning is because of the outside opposition I face regarding my food choices. "Kyleigh that's not healthy, Kyleigh you don't need to lose any more weight, Kyleigh why are you going on a diet?". People, I don't want to lose weight, it's NOT a diet it's a lifestyle choice, and it can be completely healthy (the myth that vegetarians and vegans can't get a protein is a myth, hate to burst your bubble). So, it'd be nice if people would stop judging my decisions, but I don't see that happening lol. I don't expect them to agree, but just let me be in peace.

I am completely in love with Burt's Bee's. I know there are controversies over it because of the beeswax, but I've done my research and I feel good about buying it. It's almost 100% natural, doesn't test on animals, smells and feels great, and they have friendly bee-keeping methods. I feel a lot better about buying Burt's then about buying Jergens, Oil of Olay, Clearasil, and all that other crap. And this brings me to the fact that I almost had a stroke at Big Lots. I bought Burt's Bees evening primrose cream, baby powder, cuticle cream, tinted facial moisturizer, a Nature's Gate shampoo, a Nature's Gate conditioner, and some snacks for under $25! Amazing, especially considering I was aching for the evening cream to begin with, and I was planning on spending $15 for it at my work. I think I am literally almost scared to go back to my old chemical products heh

Tags: burt's bee's, indian music, rawism
Current Mood: drained
Current Music: Cheb Khaled-Habibi

Happy Easter :) I will celebrate it by.....going to work. LOL. Ah well, all is good and that is just a sign that I am definitly growing into a responsible adult....erm...maybe x.x;....

I baked my delicious sweet potato fries! Not raw, but vegan, low-fat, healthy, tasty, full of fiber and vitamins...they were tasty and it made me happy to know I was doing my body good to eat them! I love nourishments. 1 LARGE sweet potato sliced up into thin slices+drizzle of olive oil+paprika+chili powder....pop those puppies into the over at 400 degrees for about 20 minutes (flipping them once) and THAT, my non-existent friends, is the greatest damn meal a girl could have. Yep.

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Warsaw Village Band-Fishie

Do you ever feel just awesome sometimes? Not in the vain and cocky "Oh I'm so great look at me" way....but just in the "Ahhhhh I feel so at peace with myself all I can do is look at my life and smile" type of way. Yeah, that's how I feel. Some things that help me feel awesome.
- Today was my 2nd day of Habitat for Humanity volunteering. It is truly life changing. The people there are so inspiring and helpful, it is heart warming to see people who truly care about others. They are so helpful and patient with me, I've learned how to use powertools for the first time! Today I put in Jwall and vinyl siding :) Hell yeah, I was on a ladder with a tool belt and using a screwdriver! Plus I get any free drinks from Starbucks I desire ;) What what!
- I have decided that it is entirely possible for me to go mostly raw, because hell! That's basically what I've been doing for several months! I have sooooo much energy, I feel so good, so fit, so healthy! Now, I won't saw 100%, because I want to enjoy the occassional bowl of oatmeal, I will still drink brewed teas and coffee, and I just want some general "leeway". I eat soooo much fresh food, it feels genuinly GOOD. And I know that there is controversy over this and I know that others around me look down upon my decision, but fuck it. I don't rag on them about their Mcdonalds, or Twinkies, or Cheetos. It's my choice.
- I have also been switching to natural personal care. Today I went and almost TOTALLY purged my bathroom of icky products such as Clearasol, Head'n'Shoulders, Noxema, and Curel. I have replaced them with Burt's Bee's, Nature's Gate, Tom's of Maine, and Alba. I can't use Jason anymore though, that's 5 Jason products that broke me out in burning, itchy rashes :(
- School almost out! April 26th I think!

Ahh, I feel like I am finding myself again. Guess I tend to get a little lost sometimes with all that goes on in my life, but I manage to get back on my feet,

I feel like I am filling in the voids.I always thought I needed a boy to fill that empty space, but now I realize that is not entirely true. It would be nice, yes, but that is not all that I need. I need to feel good about myself. Do good things. Live happy. Help others. See the world and be a part of it. I'm tired of sheltering myself. I'm ready to get out there!

I volunteered for the Habitat for Humanity on Wednesday. I couldn't get any of my friends to go with me, so I went ahead and went by myself because I truly wanted to go. I keep feeling this intense, unexplainable drive to get out and give the world a helping hand. It was a life changing experience, I am so thrilled. The people there were absolutely the sweetest persons I've met. I got to use power tools and I had my own tool belt...I was on scaffolding nailing in parts of a roof! Yep, can't help but feel a little proud. How many of my friends can say they helped build a house?!I can't wait to do it again!

Current Location: room
Current Mood: energetic
Current Music: Oomph!

I am just starting this, just because I feel like I am at a new point in my life and I could use a fresh start :)

Things that make me happy

1.) Walking.
2.) Breakfast.
3.) Sunshine.
4.) ITunes radio.
5.) My job. (co-workers and paycheck hehe)
6.) My kitties.
7.) Manners and kindness.
8.) Open minds.
9.) Writing.
10.) Not depending on TV anymore (except for movies every now and again)
11.) Socks.
12.) Bargains.
13.) Native Sun Co-Op.
14.) Staying fit and healthy.
15.) The few people who are close to me.
16.) Uninterrupted sleep.
17.) Fresh produce.
18.) Random acts of kindness.
19.) Outdoors.
20.) Time to myself.

Tags: happiness
Current Location: My Bedroom
Current Music: T.I. (ITunes Radio)